we need fog to realise the immense importance of clarity and clear vision sometimes.
but it's about time the fog leaves. maybe.



hate

worrying;
feeling like this;
not knowing why i feel like this;
nervousness;
needing confirmation for the stupidest things;
paranoia.

it's always been there but maybe it's been growing lately? I don't know.


hmm

i like independence and standing alone and finding my new self but it's difficult.

lost so much lately. lost the things that used to make me who i was. maybe i'm different -
maybe i'm going to HAVE to be different to survive. without change = backwardness, after all.

i like being alone, sometimes - ripping apart the saftey nets, as it helps you discover who you are and the positive things about you.

but then again, it gives you less you hide behind and less comfort and you're left alone and defenceless and have little to turn to or be supported by. and haven't really done that in a long time.


This is going to be hard.
But, this is life.
This is growing up.
We all have to do it.

Tips: Don't become so dependent on things and people that you haven't got a clue what you'd do without them when things come descending down.
Whether that's parents, best friends, boyfriend, fags, alcohol, umm etc - whatever applies to you. (self: lost 3)
Well you can, but I'm just letting you know that it's fucking hard once you're on your own.

My head is all fuzzy because I'm confused and apathetic and ironically OVER-thinking at the same time. Synapses running in different directions and not knowing what to do.



But, as ever, as I've done for years - pick yourself up again; find a way to smile; KEEP YOUR PRINCIPLES; never give up; always keep an emergancy supply of that sickening, self-assuring niavety that 'EVERYTHING-WILL-BE-OKAY-AGAIN-SOMEDAY'


And carry on.


Just sucks feeling alone. Need to tell someone this. Or anything. But heh.

I'm okay.

Just needed to get that out. Shit, didn't even know how I was feeling til I wrote it - talk about repression.

If you don't think I'm crazy, or can relate, please feel free to leave something.



i'm not mental. hmm